An open letter to my erstwhile neighbor...
It's been weeks and weeks since last I posted, but a very unusual thing happened last night I just had to write about. Last night during a twenty minute interval I was at the neighboring grocery store someone stole into my apartment and took my school back pack, that had all my expensive text books, my wallet with ATM card and house keys, as well as taking my checkbook from off the shelf, my pocket knife and a second bag I use just for Sundays. It was distressing, but as the story unfolded I also came to realize that my erstwhile burglar was a true nimrod. I wrote this letter to vent, most of it is true and more it amuses me and lets me laugh at a rather upsetting incidence.
Dear Neighbor,
I wanted to write you a letter since we not yet had the opportunity to meet face to face (or at least not to my knowledge). I as you know am your neighbor in apartment four. I have lived her for about six months and have attempted to make the acquaintances of those in the apartments around mine. So far I've succeeded in getting to know the people above and to either side of me. But yourself I have not yet met.
I haven't had the privilege of seeing the interior of your home but you, it seems have not been similarly denied that chance when it comes to my humble abode. I must wonder just what was it about my place of residence that drew your attention? Was it the potted geranums out front? Or perhaps the picture of the Portland LDS temple with the words “Families are Forever” hanging in the front window? Or perhaps it was just random dumb luck. I do not know and may never, but couldn't refrain from asking.
I'm writing to not only inquire about your choices but more importantly I felt it my civic and moral responsibility to inform you of certain niceties regarding the backpack you seemed to have obsonced with.
I am a Medical assistant Student and am at present learning the trade of Phlebotomy, namely how to stick people in the arm (or finger or foot or where ever) with sharp implements for the purpose of collecting blood samples. Well as students we practice on each other and sometime there are mishaps and a little contamination of things with sundry bodily fluids. I just thought that I ought to warn you that the other day my friend was practicing on my other friend and opened a vein rather inexpertly resulting in quite a lot of spilt blood. (My friend had been taking a lot of ibuprofen that had thinned her blood and made her even more likely to bleed excessively). Well the blood did fall onto my bag and although I was able to remove most of it, I hadn't gotten around to actually sterilizing it. I mentioned it not just because I feared you might be squeamish about such things but because my friend (the one that bled, not the one that did the puncturing) has several blood born diseases that can be quite contagious to those not properly inoculated. When did you get your last Hep B shot? Some of the symptoms of said diseases are shortness of breath, sleeplessness, difficulty urninating, erectile disfunction, liver damage, heart palpitations, potential coma and even death.
Most of the bacteria in my friends blood will die if washed in hot water and strong detergent, but I didn't have the quarters for laundry so I hadn't washed it properly (because as you are aware we not only lack washer and dryer hook ups in our apartments but lack a laundry room necessitating we walk to the nearby laundry mat... But I digress) Unfortunately the few really nasty bugs from my friends blood will only die under extreme heat and or bleach. Well my pack is (as I'm certain you're aware) black and blue and I didn't want to destroy the colors. I wear gloves and got a series of preventative shots before beginning my classes so I wasn't overly worried for my own safety. Still YOU who the 7-11 cashier insisted was carrying my backpack while in her store might want to get yourself checked out. You're not experienceing any unusual rashes or dizziness are you? I'm certain there are health care professionals at the county jail where I'm told you're a current resident. You may want to mention your possible exposure and get on radiation treatment as soon as feasibly possible.
I just wanted to drop you this note because I felt as if it wouldn't be neighborly of me to NOT mention this possible health risk to you a fellow resident here at Polk Plaza.
I hope this finds you well.
Sincerely,
your neighbor,
Debbie
Dear Neighbor,
I wanted to write you a letter since we not yet had the opportunity to meet face to face (or at least not to my knowledge). I as you know am your neighbor in apartment four. I have lived her for about six months and have attempted to make the acquaintances of those in the apartments around mine. So far I've succeeded in getting to know the people above and to either side of me. But yourself I have not yet met.
I haven't had the privilege of seeing the interior of your home but you, it seems have not been similarly denied that chance when it comes to my humble abode. I must wonder just what was it about my place of residence that drew your attention? Was it the potted geranums out front? Or perhaps the picture of the Portland LDS temple with the words “Families are Forever” hanging in the front window? Or perhaps it was just random dumb luck. I do not know and may never, but couldn't refrain from asking.
I'm writing to not only inquire about your choices but more importantly I felt it my civic and moral responsibility to inform you of certain niceties regarding the backpack you seemed to have obsonced with.
I am a Medical assistant Student and am at present learning the trade of Phlebotomy, namely how to stick people in the arm (or finger or foot or where ever) with sharp implements for the purpose of collecting blood samples. Well as students we practice on each other and sometime there are mishaps and a little contamination of things with sundry bodily fluids. I just thought that I ought to warn you that the other day my friend was practicing on my other friend and opened a vein rather inexpertly resulting in quite a lot of spilt blood. (My friend had been taking a lot of ibuprofen that had thinned her blood and made her even more likely to bleed excessively). Well the blood did fall onto my bag and although I was able to remove most of it, I hadn't gotten around to actually sterilizing it. I mentioned it not just because I feared you might be squeamish about such things but because my friend (the one that bled, not the one that did the puncturing) has several blood born diseases that can be quite contagious to those not properly inoculated. When did you get your last Hep B shot? Some of the symptoms of said diseases are shortness of breath, sleeplessness, difficulty urninating, erectile disfunction, liver damage, heart palpitations, potential coma and even death.
Most of the bacteria in my friends blood will die if washed in hot water and strong detergent, but I didn't have the quarters for laundry so I hadn't washed it properly (because as you are aware we not only lack washer and dryer hook ups in our apartments but lack a laundry room necessitating we walk to the nearby laundry mat... But I digress) Unfortunately the few really nasty bugs from my friends blood will only die under extreme heat and or bleach. Well my pack is (as I'm certain you're aware) black and blue and I didn't want to destroy the colors. I wear gloves and got a series of preventative shots before beginning my classes so I wasn't overly worried for my own safety. Still YOU who the 7-11 cashier insisted was carrying my backpack while in her store might want to get yourself checked out. You're not experienceing any unusual rashes or dizziness are you? I'm certain there are health care professionals at the county jail where I'm told you're a current resident. You may want to mention your possible exposure and get on radiation treatment as soon as feasibly possible.
I just wanted to drop you this note because I felt as if it wouldn't be neighborly of me to NOT mention this possible health risk to you a fellow resident here at Polk Plaza.
I hope this finds you well.
Sincerely,
your neighbor,
Debbie
posted by Deb Bluth at 7:20 AM
1 Comments:
well I'm glad I could make you laugh, my husband actually has been supenaed to appear at a hearing against these two dingbats that took my bag on the 15th.
ought to be interesting!
Post a Comment
<< Home